and some of what other people said

pass the ranch: An Unsolicited Letter to Women


If a guy wants to be with you, he will tell you.

If you have to wonder if a guy likes you, the answer is no (or not enough).

When a guy finds a lady he really, really likes, he trips over his feet to get face time with her. (And that’s what you want, right? A guy who really, really likes…

1:25 pm, reblogged by jesshopes

2:37 pm, reblogged by jesshopes


This is awesome! It’s also much needed information. There are a lot of guys that think we want to see your undercarriage in a text photo. We don’t. No really…we don’t. It’s not pretty. It looks like an old banana. And if you do send one to me because you think it’s going to do something for me, I’m gonna change your life. I’m gonna send you a picture back and while you’re getting all excited while your photo is downloading thinking it’s a picture of something you wanna see. Bam!! dick all up in your phone. Someone’s elses undercarriage..that also mistakenly thought I wanted to see it. You’re welcome.

2:23 pm, by jesshopes

I should dust this off…

Wow..I haven’t been here in almost a year…and I have a TON of shit to say. I’m a little bit disappointed, but not surprised that I haven’t really made the huge, ass changing lifestyle mix up that I had planned on. I have, however, made a tiny, try to make it to the gym on all weekdays, lifestyle nudge. Also, I’ve done a fairly large amount of garbage truck dumping in my personal life. If you don’t know what a garbage truck is, I’ll school you. A garbage truck is an individual that is so miserable and toxic that they actually bring your value of life DOWN instead of enriching your existence. I’m not saying I haven’t been one from time to time..I’m guilty. BUT, I’ve made a conscious decision to NOT be one and not surround myself with them any longer! Garbage Trucks: 0 Jess: 1

11:21 am, by jesshopes

Ah Ha….

I solved the mystery. What do I win? All it takes to lose weight is getting dumped by your possible soulmate through text message. Who does that? One day I love you so much I want to be with you forever and the next day, hmm this isn’t working for me. I need to get my bi-polar radar checked because this was a swing and a miss. Here’s to having no boyfriend and a great ass, well a great ass in the works;)

10:46 am, by jesshopes

F.U…July 15, 2010

I’m flipping the bird at today..for real. I’m not saying the typical, “what more could go wrong” because we all know how that ends up. First, interesting email at work today about the crazy whistle-blower scientist that may or may not come back to his former place of employment and kill us all. That was fun…I love worrying about my safety in between trying to get my work done and waiting to go home. Secondly, my son’s school called me to inform me that his shoes mysteriously disappeared while they were on a field trip today. Awesome, only a month old Skechers, and his only pair. Lastly, I made a dumbass move and figured I needed a new phone and of course you can trust the peeps on Craigslist right? Noooo…epic fail. I freaking bought a phone that was reported lost/stolen. If I ever see “Kaitlin’s Dad” again I’m gonna throw the phone at him because that’s the only thing I can use it for.

And my sweet boyfriend has the phone cojones to say to me, “that’s all it takes for you to have a bad day” I officially flip the bird at him as well.

P.S…the only weight I lost today was from my wallet..awesome.

Good night;)

8:30 pm, by jesshopes

I want to…kind of

So I know I want to lose weight. I have a million reasons to do it and not one really good reason not to so why don’t I just get to it? Just to remind myself, I will list the reasons:

1) I’m almost 30 and time is running out quickly for me to even care about how I look in jeans

2) I hate mirrors, what kind of life is that?

3) I hate pictures..don’t take one of me..ever.

4) I have a sweet boyfriend that deserves to have a smoking hot girlfriend.

5) I AM a smoking hot girlfriend minus the 80 lbs that seems to be hanging on to my frame.

6) My son deserves to have a healthy mom that can play as hard as he can.

7) Oh yeah, and all that healthy crap too. I want to live longer and be able to make it up one flight of stairs without needing CPR.

Now that I’ve established that I want to lose weight…what’s the next step? I’m going to guess lifestyle change. Everytime I consider a lifestyle change I immediately want a hamburger. It’s a vicious cycle.

3:54 pm, by jesshopes